We’re going to make our lawn tap out

I don't know what the front lawn ever did to me and my wife to warrant every ounce of our scorn, anger and hatred, but I'm sure its sorry by now.

For the second or third time in a year we've accidentally let the sprinkler timer go offline for months on end until our front lawn looks as frail and sickly as Harry Dean Stanton.

If gardening was a no-holds barred submission fight I think our battered lawn would be on the verge of tapping out at this point.

All the recent storms have done is help weeds sprout all over the place.

I never expected to bring the Garden of Eden to my neighborhood with my own hands and hard work but I certainly didn't expect to become the King of Scorched Earth either.  

Considering that there's probably going to be water rationing this summer is there any point of trying to revive the poor, pathetic patch of lawn if the local water district is going to cut us off as soon as we have something to be proud of?

I never should have wasted money on gardening books and yard tools because at this point it's painfully clear that my wife and are cursed with black thumbs.  The front yard is a mess and the back yard is just a glorified pile of dirt and pine needles.

I've only been a homeowner for a year and I'm already the guy on the block with "That House," the eyesore, the worn down shack that drags down everyone's home value.

Then again, if I ruin everyone's property value I might be able to appeal my property tax bill and save some serious dough which really appeals to the cheapskate in me.

When I look at it that way the front lawn actually looks pretty good.

Who needs curb appeal?