How much trouble is this keyboard worth?

Am I the only person who isn't a flake on Craigslist?

I know it's a free service and I really shouldn't expect much especially after acknowledging the fact that the San Francisco Chronicle's free online classified ad service is a waste of time (

But I'm going to complain anyway.

All I want to do is sell a spare keyboard to cut down on the clutter around the house.

All I'm asking for is $10, a nice round number that gives me some diaper money for the soon-to-arrive baby and gives someone a great keyboard that I'd still be using if Windows Vista didn't hate it.

At this point it's painfully clear that my ad on Craigslist of only getting nibbles from the shallow end of the gene pool as I troll around looking for a buyer.

Where's Darwinism when I need it?

If the people responding to my ad were animals in the jungle they would have been tiger food a long time ago.

On Presidents' Day I wasted about an hour of my life trying to sell the keyboard to some old guy who wanted to hook it up to his Playstation.

After playing phone tag all afternoon Playstation Man finally dropped by my house, bought the keyboard and left.

Nice, easy sale I thought. And good for the weird old dude, he's getting exactly what he wants for a great price.

But nothing is ever that easy in my life.

Five minutes later Playstation Man was back on my doorstep complaining that the keyboard is designed to plug into a PS/2 port but he needs to hook it into a USB port.

After wasting 10 minutes digging through a pile of old computer junk in my office to try and find him a converter I threw in the towel and give the freak his $10 back.

On his way out the door he groused that I shouldn't say its a USB keyboard in my ad.

I have to admit that I actually felt a little shame for posting a fraudulent ad on Craigslist … until I double checked my ad:

"Microsoft Intellitype keyboard, model "Microsoft Natural MultiMedia Keyboard 1.0A" with software for sale for $10."

I know the letters u, s and b are technically scattered throughout the ad but at no point are they actually organized into the acronym "USB."

Thanks for the grief  Playstation Man.  I can't believe I made it a point to come home early to deal with this flake.

But the fun doesn't end with him.

Last week I received an e-mail from Eric who was interested in buying the keyboard despite his apparent physical problems:

"i am interested in the keyboard i have the same keyboard but one of my legs is broken. please call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX thank you eric"

I wanted to write back, "If you want to buy the keyboard it's all yours. By the way, I severely twisted my ankle last week," but I decided to wasted a little more time out of my life by going the extra mile and calling him.

Turns out the broken leg isn't on Eric's body.

It's on Eric's keyboard and he's trying to find the cheapest way possible to get a new leg because those heartless bastards at Microsoft won't give him one.

Yeah, life is hard like that sometimes Eric.

He never had the guts to come right out and ask me if I would just sell one leg off of my keyboard but I got the sense that he really wanted to pop the question.

Needless to say, I never heard back from Eric.

But I did hear from Vince last weekend.

Just like Playstation Man and Eric, Vince really wanted the keyboard.

Unfortunately, just like Playstation Man and Eric, Vince was an idiot because he realized a few minutes into our phone conversation that there was just one little problem: I don't live in San Francisco.

That really seemed to come as a shock to Vinny Boy because he asked me a couple of times if I live or work in San Francisco or visit it on a frequent basis.

Apparently Vinny can't read because my ad on Craigslist clearly says that I'm not located anywhere near San Francisco.

You just can't put a price on aggravation.

At this point I'd pay $10 to get back all the time I wasted on these people.


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