Oh no, here it comes: “Because you watched ‘Blubberella’ “

Hey, a movie starring Michael Pare and Clint Howard can't be all bad, right?

Hey, a movie starring Michael Pare and Clint Howard can’t be all bad, right?

There are plenty of times I can’t make heads or tails of the suggestions Netflix offers and I’ve been trying to invest a few minutes here and there to rank stuff just to weed out some of the more absurd movies and TV shows that pop up for my consideration. Tonight’s head scratcher that appeared while I was scrolling through our streaming account was “Blubberella,” listed as one of the Witty Revenge Movies I might like based on the fact that I recently watched “Miller’s Crossing” and “Hopscotch.”

I have no idea how the heck you get from the Coen Brothers and Walter Matthau to “Blubberella” but Netflix, in all its wisdom, made the connection.

I bet Albert Finney never thought he'd be mentioned in the same post as "Blubberella." Loved ya in "Miller's Crossing" pal.

I bet Albert Finney never thought he’d be mentioned in the same post as “Blubberella.” Loved ya in “Miller’s Crossing” pal.

Hate to break it to you Netflix but I don’t want to watch “Blubberella,” the “gleefully low-rent action-comedy” in which “hefty half-vampire Blubberella sets her always-ravenous sights on a Nazi leader who’s concocting a diabolical plan: to create an army of undead soldiers to help his Führer conquer the globe.”

My wife can vouch for the fact that I love some truly absurd movies and TV shows — which probably explains a lot of the horrible suggestions Netflix churns out — but even my juvenile sense of humor can’t embrace “Blubberella.”

Maybe I just need a few dozen drinks to see the appeal of “Blubberella.” Would beer goggles make “Blubberella” attractive to me? Who knows? I have a pretty high tolerance for booze so it’s a little frightening to try and guess how much I would have to drink to get a twinkle in my eye for “Blubberella.”

Do you get the sense that I’m trying to write “Blubberella” as many times as possible in this post? I dare you to say “Blubberella” five times as fast as you can … I’m willing to bet it’s a lot more entertaining than actually watching “Blubberella” (sweet, I just wrote “Blubberella” two more times!).

Of course, the worst thing I did tonight was accidentally play the movie for a split second when I was just trying to click on “More Info” to get some fodder for this post. Now the next time I log in to Netflix I’ll be hit with a load of suggestions “Because you watched ‘Blubberella.’ ” Can you hear me slapping my forehead?

I guess it serves me right for complaining so much about Netflix’s suggestions.

Then again, maybe I’ll get lucky and Netflix will suggest a lot of really good Coen Brothers and Walter Matthau movies because somehow, some way, they’re all related in the wonderful world of Netflix streaming.

Fat chance.

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