My secret life as dull-as-dirt A’s manager Bob Geren

It’s time to let the cat out of the bag: For one glorious month I was the manager of the Oakland A’s.

That’s right, I was Bob Geren on Twitter and Facebook … until my accounts were unceremoniously suspended.

Apparently Twitter and Facebook have something against impersonating people.

How lame is that?

If a schmuck like me wants to impersonate a schmuck like Bob Geren and become friends with a bunch of schmucks online what’s the problem with that?

Since when is a little stupidity between consenting dorks against the law?

If you think it’s weird to impersonate Bob Geren online I won’t argue with you.  Sometimes when I’m bored I get an odd idea that amuses me a little too much and I run way too far with it.

But I think it’s a lot weirder to enthusiastically be friends with a clearly fake Bob Geren.

Don’t get me wrong, a ton of people I met online as Bob Geren were probably just fans with a good sense of humor but a handful of them just didn’t get it and took their online relationship with the A’s skipper a little too seriously.

People would often send me enthusiastic messages and chat requests when I would hop online as Oakland’s fearless, and mostly clueless, leader.

I mean, would Geren really publicly say, “Note to self: Less Minesweeper, more managing” after a tough loss?  I don’t think so.

Now that my accounts have been suspended I’ll no longer be able to reach out to the loyal fans of Bob Geren with Tweets like these:

Nice to get back on track with a win today against Texas but who the hell is Tyler F’ing Teagarden? Steroids are banned now, right? WTF?

Mmmmmmmmmmm, Bud Light Lime! Always so cool and refreshing after playing some winning GerenBall.

Ran into Philip Seymour Hoffman (aka Art Howe in Moneyball) and he’s a real baseball expert! He knows more about double switches than I do.

I wonder when I’m going to get my own bobblehead day? I’m pretty sure I’m going to outlast Connie Mack in this gig.”

If anyone’s wondering what it’ll take for the Oakland A’s to get back on a win streak I have one word for you: GerenBall!”

Enjoying a rare day off at home with my good friends Mr. Pickles and Judge Judy. She’s a mean old broad, isn’t she?”

Note to self: Do what Billy said and remember lessons from “Moneyball.” Be like Art Howe, stand at top step of dugout, look intense.”

I’ll miss getting into a Geren state of mind and extolling the virtues of Matt Watson, Matt Carson, Gabe Gross, Daric Barton’s bunting and the sweet, refreshing taste of Bud Light Lime after a big win.

To be perfectly honest, It’s a little annoying to get kicked off of Twitter and Facebook for impersonating Bob Geren while he gets to impersonate a Major League manager for 162 games a year with total job security.

When it was all said and done I think I was a lot more entertaining than the real Bob Geren — not that there’s much of a challenge to pull that off.

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