Firing off some random thoughts while I wait for my starring role alongside Brad Pitt in “Moneyball” to roll around at the end of the month. Technically I’m what they call an “extra” but I’m not going to let that stand in the way of my absurd illusions of grandeur …
* My wife and I recently bought a used car to replace our crappy ’95 Pontiac Grand Prix with more than 230,000 miles on it and I can’t help but wonder why we ever pretend to have a budget for anything. By the time we drove off the lot we were within shouting distance of spending three times what we originally discussed. The whole ordeal felt like an episode of “Looney Tunes” where Yosemite Sam keeps drawing a line in the sand until he falls off a cliff. Maybe if I don’t look down I won’t realize I’m over the financial edge.
* I have to tip my hat to my son for being a great car buying tool. Last year when he was a tired, hungry, cranky infant he helped get us out of a dealership when they were making a full court press. That gave us a couple of days to work the phone and get the price of the car we eventually bought down to the number we wanted. Last weekend he went into full meltdown mode while we were working out the final terms of the deal and helped us knock a couple of hundred dollars off one feature we decided to spring for. The more he screamed and the more I said we had to get going ASAP the more the price fell. Magic, pure magic.
* Damn my universal remote control all to hell. Life was so much easier before my son drooled the old remote into submission. The el cheapo refurbished remote I got on Ebay via some back alley in Hong Kong is a clumsy nightmare. If I dare to fast forward through a movie I overshoot the mark by a mile and trying to rewind almost always zooms me toward the beginning of the film. Back and forth, back and forth until my blood pressure is through the roof and I finally turn off the TV to go do something relatively productive with my life. It shouldn’t be this hard to slack off.
* I’m definitely still new to parenthood and one thing that continues to amaze me is the colossal mess a 15-month-old can make. Whenever I make one of my rare efforts to pick up around the house I can’t help shaking my head in stunned amusement at how toys have made it into every single corner of the house. Same goes for little crumbs of food. My son is still just a toddler but he somehow manages to consistently make his mark on every square foot of our house on a daily basis. Pretty impressive.
* Speaking of messes, our living room carpet has become a total disgrace. Just a couple of months ago we made a big effort to clean the entire house because we were hosting a couple of birthday parties for my son. The living room carpet looked good enough to eat off of … but no one was actually supposed to eat off it. Apparently my son didn’t get that message because today the carpet is stained from wall to wall. I suspect it’s a mix of all the foods my son likes to walk around and eat (and by “eat” I mean chew on for a few minutes before spitting half of it out — yum!). I think the smart move is to tarp the living room floor.
* Speaking of messes II: For some strange reason our kitchen has become mold central. Every time I clean some part of the kitchen I find something that’s been overtaken with mold. A pot with some pasta sauce that’s been left unattended for too long? Full of mold. The last bagel in a bag on the counter? Covered in mold. Cheese in the fridge? Greener than the Incredible Hulk. Fruits? Veggies? Moldy and moldier.
Think I’m making all this up? Where do you think today’s second photo came from?
If you ever want a plate full of green eggs and ham feel free to drop by.