Sayonara 2009

There’s barely been a peep out of me on this site since my son was born in April and there haven’t been too many tweets on Twitter either.

Parenthood, family medical problems, major damage to the house, financial headaches and a collision that totaled my car have kind of put a dent in my efforts to crank out blog entries.

Even this post has taken weeks to pull together but the end of the year is worthy of one more monster post before turning the calendar to 2010.

* I HATE MOLD: In case I haven’t had a chance to mention it, mold sucks. Water and mold damage from a slow leak in the shower at our house added up to tens of thousands of dollars in repairs without an ounce of help from our home insurance. I would have been better of bathing with waterless hand sanitizer for the past few years.

* OH YEAH, I HATE DODGE RAM TRUCKS TOO: When a big ol’ truck suddenly cuts across a lane and hits a Ford Escort the truck wins, hands down. Out with my old car, in with car payments for a replacement vehicle. And this time my insurance company has $1,000 of my money trapped in limbo while it fights it out with the other driver’s insurance company. Mold, trucks, insurance companies … I’m not exactly a big fan of any of them right now.

* DUDE, WHERE’S MY DECADE? I’ve been coming across plenty of end-of-decade articles while surfing the Net over the past month and I can’t believe the decade is already over. Seems like just yesterday that the Y2K bug was a big hype.

* ONE TO GROW ON: New York Yankees lawn seed? Seriously? Yes, it’s real: I hate the Yankees and I think the only reason I’d ever try to grow this stuff would be for the pure joy of burning it and urinating on the ashes.

* TIRED OF THE HOT AIR: The obnoxious Giants keep making a pompous stink about the A’s trying to move to San Jose, sticking to their guns that they have territorial rights to the area. Heck, even the San Francisco district attorney is getting into the act ( It’s true that the Giants currently have the rights to San Jose, but here’s a friendly reminder that the only reason they ever got the rights is because the A’s agreed to it back
when the Giants wanted to move down there ( That’s right, San Jose used to be shared territory. The Giants haven’t had rights to that area since the first player in orange and black climbed out of the primordial ooze. How about the Giants return
the favor and throw the rights back to the A’s if they’re serious about clearing out of the East Bay? As ESPN’s Rob Neyer points out, the move makes sense for everyone (

* BOGUS ADVICE: Nap while your kid naps? For this parent that’s proven to be worthless advice that doesn’t work in the real world — especially with a son who is a horrible sleeper and barely naps at all. Our little guy doesn’t nap often enough or long enough to make it worth trying to drop everything to try and catch a few Zs. His mini-nap time is our only chance to get anything done around the house.

* CALL ME PARANOID: But I have an odd feeling that health care reform is going to have a negative effect on my family. I guess I should take the time to carefully read the thousands of pages of this legislation just like all of our trustworthy politicians did before voting for it. I mean, they actually read what they voted on, right? Right? Check back with me in a year or two, I bet my health costs will be up significantly and my quality of coverage will decrease just as dramatically.

* I MUST BE THE OFFICE CHATTERBOX: That’s the best explanation I can come up with for why so many people at work asked me for ideas about what to get co-workers for Christmas in our yearly Secret Santa. Do I really spend that much time with everyone around the office? I guess so. Hopefully my gift ideas helped everyone out.

* FAT CHANCE: A new year is right around the corner which mean’s it’s time for a resolution. How about the same one I’ve had for about 10 years running? Lose weight. We’ll see how that pans out in 2010 considering the fact that all I’ve done for the past decade is gain weight. Smart money says that the usual excuse to dodge my annual commitment to better health rears its ugly head: Being too damn lazy to change.

* HALL OF LAME: ABBA is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ( You gotta be kiddin me. This ain’t Sweden folks. Just look at’em:,,
I enjoy their music as much as the next drunk guy with a sense of humor at a bowling alley on rock n bowl night but anyone who dresses like that doesn’t deserve to be inducted into a hall of fame.

* SPEAKING OF BAD TASTE: Anyone care to chew on some of this That’s right, it’s a big hunk of alligator jerky. I guess it’s better to eat gator than it is to be eaten by a gator but it still seems like an odd snack.

* SO MUCH FOR MY HOLIDAY MOVIES: Only had a chance to watch a fraction of what was on my list, including “Love, Actually.” Like always, I laughed, I cried and by the end of the flick I believed in love again. I’m such a sap.

* FUTURE DADS BEWARE: Think long and hard about exactly what you’re going to say the moment your child is born. Take my word for it, don’t get all excited and blurt out, “Honey, you did it! He’s out!” That’s exactly what I did and I’ve been publicly mocked for it ever since.
I’m afraid that thoughtful eloquence escaped me at the amazing moment my son was born after almost 12 hours in the delivery room. Maybe next time I’ll try quoting a well respected, profound poem or something like that. I guess a haiku scribbled out on a bar room napkin might have been better than my far from eloquent brain fart.

Happy new year and here’s hoping that 2010 is a little more drama free than 2009.


One thought on “Sayonara 2009

  1. Now, now. It wasn't that your response wasn't eloquent … its that you looked back at me and said it like I had NO IDEA what just happened. Believe me, I KNEW. =)

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