TWGB hits Twitter … plus some Mental Leftovers

I’m exhausted and stressed out from adjusting to parenthood but somehow I’ve found the time to fire up an account on Twitter.

I know, it makes no sense on so many levels that it’s beyond absurd. But in a strage way that may be exactly why it kind of makes sense.

If you’re a glutton for punishment check out http://twitter.com/howlingmadjay for quick hits of the scatterbrained musings you’ve come to know here at The World’s Greatest Blog.

Meanwhile, here’s a Monday swing through all the odds and ends that didn’t quite fit into any other blog post during the past several weeks …

* I’m not even one month into being a dad but so far changing diapers hasn’t been anywhere as bad as I thought it would be. Cleaning the cat box is still worse than changing a loaded diaper. Then again, if I only changed my son’s diaper once a week I might change my tune. Everyone warned me that baby boys will sometimes pee on you while you change their diaper but so far I’ve been able to dodge that urine-soaked bullet. Check out my Twitter account to see if I just jinxed myself.

* Time to finally take a bold stance: Have I ever mentioned that I hate Windows? I’ve lost track of how many hours I’ve wasted the past couple of weeks trying to troubleshoot a nagging startup/shutdown problem on my PC. I’m convinced that Bill Gates is an evil genius bent on ruining my life and driving me mad. I’d blame Gates for all the problems I’ve been having with our laptop but I think spilled Smirnoff vodka is going to have to take the fall for that one. Check out my Twitter account to see if I cave in and buy an Apple computer.

* Why did I draft David Ortiz in my fantasy baseball league? It’s not like Big Papi’s lifeless bat keeps me up at night but since I’m up anyway thanks to the baby I can’t help but wonder where my lifeless team would be if I picked someone else. The big guy returns to the Red Sox lineup on Tuesday so we’ll see whether he can get back on track and follow in Carlos Delgado’s 2008 footsteps by salvaging a seemingly lost season. I’ll believe it when I see it. Check out my Twitter acount to see if … OK, enough of the Twitter plugs. Sorry about that.

* Hate to say I called this because someone’s now out of a job … but I called this (http://twgb.blogspot.com/2009/03/life-is-rough-over-at-chronicle.html): San Francisco Chronicle staff writer Delfin Vigil got laid off in the paper’s most recent round of cuts (http://penpressclub.org/).

* My mind is in the gutter as I surf the Web for updates on Big Papi. I guess my brain works in strange ways which is why Sean McAdams’ story (http://www.bostonherald.com/sports/baseball/red_sox/view.bg?articleid=1173005&srvc=sports&position=2) on Ortiz amuses me. McAdams calls Ortiz’s time on the bench the “Lost Weekend” and points out that the slugger got a deep tissue massage. When I think of a lost weekend I think of Ray Milland as a raging drunk (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0037884/). And when I think of deep tissue massages I think of 49ers great Jerry Rice suspiciously being in the wrong place at the wrong time during a prostitution sting (http://www.49erhaters.com/massage.html). Is McAdams trying to say what I think he’s trying to say? Know what I say? If booze and hookers are what Papi needs to get back on track, more power to him.

* I won’t even pretend to be a hockey fan, but even as a casual observer of the San Jose Sharks seeing them get knocked out of the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs made perfect sense. Who cares if they had the best record in the NHL? It’s the Sharks for cryin’ out loud, they always flop in the playoffs.

* Want to be lulled into a coma? Give the Dexbaby Sound Sleeper (http://www.dexproducts.com/products_sleeping_ss.htm) a try. We picked this thing up at Babies R Us to try and help our infant son fall asleep and the thing is amazing. I can’t even be in the same room with this contraption for more than a few minutes before my eyelids start feeling heavy. Take your pick of soothing sounds: Rain forest, ocean, birds, womb, etc. There’s something for everyone who wants to sleep the day away.

* “Rocky III” was on TV recently and I have to admit that the training montages have probably been a terrible influence on me. I’ve grown up with the Rocky movies where all it ever seems to take is a good 5 minutes of working out to whip Rock into shape for a big fight. Probably explains why I’ve only spent 5 minutes on my elliptical trainer since I bought it almost a year ago.

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