We are doomed

I e-mailed my wife yesterday afternoon after reading this column by the Contra Costa Times' business editor and my former co-worker Drew Voros http://www.contracostatimes.com/news/ci_11724112?nclick_check=1 and told her it's all over.

We're doomed.

Taxed into oblivion.

Resistance is futile.

Voros makes the argument that Californians are going to be hurting in a major way once the state approves a 12 cent per gallon gas tax and a sales tax increase up to 1 percent.

Of course, Voros is the same guy who kept referring to the total cost of President Obama's stimulus plan as millions, rather than billions, of dollars in his column last week.

But I'll give Voros the benefit of the doubt this time and err on the side of hysterical fear of financial ruin.  

I was already in full cheapskate mode with my wife to brace for the arrival of our first child and the additional costs that come with bringing another mouth to feed into the house.

But if you think I'm cheap now just wait until I re-crunch our 2009 budget around the numbers in Voros' column.

It'll be time for the Extreme Home Edition of Penny Pinching Till it Hurts.

I can see it now:

* We'll be in yellow-let-it-mellow-if-it's-brown-flush-it-down mode for eternity to save a few bucks on water.

* We'll have to tell all our friends and family that we love them and we'll miss them dearly but we're too cheap to drive anywhere and go out for lunch or dinner with them.

* And we'll definitely give every single item of clothing (yes, I'm talking underwear) an eyeball and sniff test before we waste money on water, electricity and detergent washing anything.

Heck, we shouldn't even eat at home if we can avoid it.  How can we afford it once the looming tax storm descends upon us?

We need to find some way to hibernate so we can stop consuming and start saving until the baby comes!

It looks like there's only one way out of this mess.

Have as many kids as possible ASAP.

I'm thinking 14 kids would do the trick.

And maybe, if we're really lucky, we could get hurt on the job so we can draw disability payments from the state.

If we can pull off that trick then we can let the state and misguided donors, TV networks and corporate sponsors take care of us.

But that's already been done hasn't it?

Thanks for stealing our thunder Nadya Suleman, damn you and your hyperactive womb!

It looks like all I can do is work hard, tightly manage the household budget and take responsibility for taking care of myself and my family.

That just might be crazy enough to work.


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