Fortunately I haven't been terminated and Earl from AT&T Uverse finally got my phone to work. Now I can get back to being annoyed by telemarketers and wrong numbers …
* Do I know how to party or what? We have a great new plasma TV, a Blu-Ray player, a ton of DVDs and a boatload of cable channels brimming with a tasty mix of programming. So what do we end up watching last Saturday into early Sunday morning? You've got it: "The Deer Hunter." How's that for a cheerful, fun way to spend a Saturday night? What happened the good old days when Saturday night was always a time to party and have a great time? This might open the door to having a marathon of depressing movies over the long Presidents Day weekend. I'll have to lock up all the pills and sharp objects before we head down that cheerless road.
* Is there something important happening on Sunday? The Super Bowl is almost here and could I possibly care less? Arizona Cardinals vs. the Pittsburgh Steelers? Hard to get passionate about that matchup. All I'm hoping for is an entertaining game that comes down to the last 2 minutes and maybe a showdown between Arizona receiver Larry Fitzgerald and Pittsburgh safety Troy Polomalu with a game-winning play hanging in the balance. In keeping with a great American tradition I plan to spend the day parked in front of the TV watching the game with friends and washing down too much junk food with far too much beer. God bless America!
* Jimmy who? Why do I get a really bad feeling about how the 49ers offense is going to look next season? Coach Mike Singletary's search for a new offensive coordinator moved at a Raiders'-like pace and he ended up hiring long-in-the-tooth coach Jimmy Raye after being turned down by Scott Linehan for the 0-16 Detroit Lions. Considering that Singletary has been an aspiring head coach for years and he used to keep a long list of coaches he wanted on his staff someday you would think he would have been able to close in on a replacement for Mike Martz in no time. Unfortunately it took Singletary forever to settle on Raye, a coaching dinosaur who doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. Then again, if Singletary wants to run an old school, smash mouth offense then someone who's been coaching in the NFL for as long as Raye could be the perfect fit to orchestrate an outdated, boring, conservative offense.
* Here's a horrible idea: Not scooping the cat box for a week. With my wife in her third trimester of pregnancy, cleaning the cat box is 100 percent my job … and I'm terrible at it in the same way Mike Singletary is terrible at hiring offensive coordinators. I've learned the hard way that going a week between cat box cleanings isn't easy on the eye … or nose. If my cat wasn't a saint in her past life she'll definitely be one in her next life for letting me get away with this all the time. Watching the 49ers on offense next season should make my overflowing cat box smell like fresh flowers in comparison.