Pin Palin against the wall

It seems like every newspaper and major television network is having a hissy fit over the McCain campaign’s tireless efforts to keep vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin quietly boxed up like some sort of delicate Barbie doll.

Well, http://www.wallmonkeys.com has the cure for what ails the Palin-starved media: A life-sized Sarah Palin you can stick on your wall.

The Democrat version, pictured above, comes with a shotgun, lipstick and a hockey stick and puck.

Reporters beating the “Free Sarah Palin” drum can just stick Palin up on the wall of their newsroom and fire away with the tough questions..

It’s not like the answers they get will have any less substance than what they would get out of the real thing.

I’m holding out hope that a life-sized version of this guy’s nude Sarah Palin portrait (http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/chi-sarah-palin-nude-0930,0,273867.story

) will make it onto the Wall Monkeys Web site.

The one odd thing I find odd in the Chicago Tribune’s story about Bruce Elliott, the man behind the painting, is the comment that “his daughter, who looks a little like Palin and does a great impression of her, served as model for the governor’s body.”

There’s something disturbing about daddy dearest having his daughter take it all off just so he can crank out a mediocre piece of partisan art, especially considering the fact that he admits to having a bit of a crush on Palin.

Maybe someone on the right side of the political spectrum can whip up a nude portrait of Dianne Feinstein or Nancy Pelosi for a little balance.

I’d hate to see who would serve as a model for their bodies.

* SPEAKING OF NAKED: Talk about false advertising!

I still can’t get over what a letdown Lifetime’s “How to Look Good Naked” is (http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/shows/how-look-good-naked).

I cringed my way through one episode this season and subjected myself to an hour of incredibly annoying host Carson Kressly to get to the payoff at the end of the show: A naked photo shoot with the woman starring in that week’s episode.

Clearly I had the wrong idea of how the show works. My mind was obviously in the gutter hoping a depressed woman’s Dianne Feinstein-ish body would be transformed into a Sarah Palin-ish body by the time the nude photo shoot rolled around.

By the end of the show the woman has the same body she did when we met her after the opening credits.

All Kressly does is pull a Jedi mind trick on the woman by somehow making her think she’s hot even though she has the exact same body as before.

What a letdown.

These definitely aren’t the droids I’m looking for.

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