My wheels are turning

I finally realized this week that I am Goofy.

Anyone who has known me for a long time realized that years ago.  And anyone who's a new reader at this site realized that as soon as this page popped up on their Web browser.

But I'm not talking about realizing that I'm the fun, happy Goofy. I'm talking about having a moment of clarity a few days ago and realizing that I'm the Mr. Road Rage, "Motor Mania" Goofy (

I've seen this cartoon a million times at traffic school but it only hit me the other morning while I was furiously whipping my way through commute hour traffic that I've morphed into "Motor Mania" Goofy … at least when it's really early in the morning and I haven't had a drop of coffee yet.

And while I haven't really been to traffic school a million times, I have been to traffic school a lot.

I've been to traffic school enough times to be intimately familiar with "Motor Mania" and this scene from Steve Martin's "The Man with Two Brains":

If all my trips to traffic school have taught me anything it's that online traffic school beats in-person traffic school — hands down.

I've learned the hard way that wasting all of one day at traffic school on the weekend is better than wasting two nights at traffic school during the week.

And I have also learned the hard way that comedy traffic schools are never funny and pizza traffic schools always serve terrible pizza.

The one thing I haven't learned, obviously, is to stop driving like an insane speed demon.

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