The hick is Hutchinson, Kansas' drunken moped rider Hayden Hitchcock who sounds like a real winner (http://www.kansascity.com/news/breaking_news/story/811709.html).
The Badger is Wisconsin linebacker Jonathan Casillas (http://blogs.jsonline.com/badgers/archive/2008/09/17/casillas-cited-for-dui-last-month.aspx) who also got hit for a DUI while cruising on his moped earlier this year.
The Warrior is Monta Ellis (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/09/24/SP21134ADN.DTL&tsp=1) who reportedly shredded his ankle while riding a moped on the heels of signing a $66 million contract to be Golden State's franchise player.
At least Ellis wasn't drunk when he wiped out in Jackson, Miss. And at least he said he was playing basketball when he got hurt, which isn't as lame of a lie as former Giant Jeff Kent's "I fell while washing my truck" coverup of a motorcycle accident (http://espn.go.com/mlb/news/2002/0320/1354867.html).
Then again, if you're a star athlete making millions of dollars it's a lot cooler to admit that you got hurt on a motorcycle than a moped.
I can understand a bum redneck like Hitchcock or a starving student like Casillas resorting to a moped to get around town.
But what the heck is Monta "$66 Million Man" Ellis doing rolling through town on a moped?
I find that almost as offensive as the fact that he wrecked his leg doing something stupid, lied about it and put the Warriors in a hole to start the Post-Baron Davis Era.
If you're a young, famous idiot with millions of dollars burning a hole in your pocket at least go for the gusto and get into trouble with some style. Leave the mopeds to hicks in Kansas and linebackers in Wisconsin.
* "SONS OF ANARCHY" PARTY AT MY PLACE: The weeks keep passing, I keep recording "Sons of Anarchy" and I keep failing to come anywhere close to watching any new episodes.
I'm starting to suspect that I'm just going to end up watching the FX series in one big sitting once "The Shield" wraps up its final season.
I'll throw a party and everyone can dress as their favorite trashy biker. It'll be a BYOB and BYOC (Bring Your Own Chaps) event.
The idea of a double shot of FX-branded violence combined with the addition of Jay Karnes (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0439813/) to the "Anarchy" cast is a little too much redundancy for me.
After my weekly helping of bloody, angry drama on "The Shield" I usually end up more inclined to press play on "Fringe" rather than "Anarchy" just for a change of pace.
There's no arguing that mad scientists milking cows (http://www.flickr.com/photos/75877690@N00/2845238405/) is a change of pace from the pure rage of Vic Mackey.