He wants your sex … and apparently that’s a bad thing

On the silver screen "The X-Files" star David Duchovny wants to believe (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443701/).  But offscreen the man just wants to get laid … a lot.

In fact, he likes it so much that it's become a big problem.

According to the Associated Press, Duchovny has checked into rehab to break himself of an addiction to sex.

As a longtime fan of "The X-Files" I always thought that Duchovny's biggest problem was an obsessive interest in little green men.  Looks like I was way off on that one.

It must be really rough being a superstar millionaire who really, really likes sex and gets a lot of action with hot women.  Yeah, that must be a living hell.  Poor guy.

Duchovny is in some good company according to this dated Web site: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/film/article-892956-details/Other+famous+sex+addicts/article.do.

Don't worry Mulder, Catherine the Great went through the same thing.  Everything will be OK pal. 

Try this the next time you get a little too excited when you see a hottie walking down the street Mr. Duchovny: Just try and picture her as "Golden Girls" star Bea Arthur.

That should keep you out of trouble more often than not.

And if it doesn't … if you find that you still want to get it on even with the image of Bea Arthur burned into your mind … then you really do need some help.

Good luck David Duchovny, our prayers are with you.

She ain’t toast

I take it all back. 

Those low-seeds at major tennis tournaments I was talking about?  They're not toast like the guys in red uniforms in Star Trek who always seem to die.

In Julie Coin's case, the low seed is actually the toast of the town.

Coin, the 188th ranked player in the world, upset top-ranked Ana Ivanovic today at the U.S. Open.

According to the Associated Press, the 25-year-old was considering retiring from tennis earlier this year after struggling to make any progress toward playing her way into the top 100 in the rankings.

"I guess maybe now I'm going to think about, like, keep playing," Coin said.

Yeah, that'd probably a decent idea Julie.

Coin will face Amelie Mauresmo in the next round of the U.S. Open.

The big balls are back

It was almost 90 degrees in the house last night at about 11 p.m. so I’m sitting around the house right now watching the U.S. Open while the air conditioner is repaired for the third time this summer.

The return of the U.S. Open also ushers in the return of those really odd, really big tennis balls fans try to get autographed by star players after every match. If you want one to call your own, just head over to http://www.tennis-warehouse.com/descpageACWILSON-WBIGBALL.html and shell out $25.

That’ll get you an inflatable 7 to 9 pound tennis ball the size of a soccer ball to look really silly with.

Venus Williams just got done slapping around some early-round nobody. Being a low seed at a major tennis tournament is kind of like being the guy in the red shirt tagging along with Captain Kirk and the rest of the landing party on Star Trek — you know you’re toast.

Animal cruelty

Surfing Ebay while killing some time watching the A's and Angels drag their way through seven innings tonight. I'm happy to say that Huston Street has looked surprisingly sharp for a closer who has fallen so far on the depth chart that he came in to pitch in the sixth inning.

But back to Ebay.  It may still be August, but that's no reason we can't start thinking about Halloween.  The candy is already on the shelves at Longs Drugs so why not see what costumes are floating around on the Net?

The main costume that caught my eye on was the Joker Pet Costume (http://cgi.ebay.com/Batman-Dark-Knight-JOKER-Pet-Dog-Cat-COSTUME-Large-NEW_W0QQitemZ300252307700QQihZ020QQcategoryZ82162QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem). 

Somehow this gawdawful pet costume is sandwiched between a seemingly endless line of sexy, naughty costumes:

With the Joker Pet Costume you can mix a great character from a cool movie with your lovable family pet to create something totally absurd for just $19.99 .

When the pets of the world finally unite, spurn domestication and attack humanity, outfits like this will be a big reason why our fuzzy friends choose bloodshed over belly rubs.

Too strange, even for me

Don’t get me wrong, I love to buy really odd stuff. I even love to buy really odd Elvis stuff, but the Wowwee Alive Elvis takes the cake.

It’s too odd and too Elvisy … even for me. I’m also too cheap to foot the $250 Wowwee charges for this product.

According to the manufacturer’s Web site (http://www.wowweealiveonline.com/elvis/index.html) the head can talk, sing and track your movements.

There’s even an odd little Wowwee Elvis subculture on this discussion board http://www.robocommunity.com/forum/thread/13928/Alive-Elvis-Appearance-Mods/ where people share ways to shave the sideburns and modify the sneer of Wowwee Alive Elvis.

Wowwee Alive Elvis has a knack for showing up on Woot.com during Woot Offs so if you’re interested in having a severed robotic head in your house just be patient because there’s always a Woot Off around the corner.

Masters of mediocrity

Out of pure curiosity and the strange urge to torture myself as an A’s fan I looked up some stats for this season expecting to confirm just how much current A’s slugger Jack Cust sucks compared to former A’s slugger Nick Swisher.

To my surprise, here’s how the 2008 is shaping up for the two hitters:

Nick Swisher: .237 batting average, .789 OPS in 2008 so far with 75 runs scored, 20 home runs and 61 RBIs.

Jack Cust: .232 average, .816 OPS, 55 runs, 22 homers and 55 RBIs.

Before checking the stats I just assumed that dearly departed Swish was easily outproducing strikeout machine Cust.

Amazingly, they’re almost identical in offensive production through this point in the season. The major difference between the two players is the amount of runs they’ve scored but that shouldn’t be a surprise.

Swish and the Chicago White Sox score runs in bunches while Cust and the Oakland A’s only get a lot of runs after they’ve dined on a bad post-game spread.

Just don’t ask me to compare stats of any healthy A’s pitcher against what Dan Haren or Rich Harden are doing this year. I’m a glutton for punishment but I’m not crazy.

Until there’s a suicide barrier on the Golden Gate Bridge I’ll hold off on those sorts of statistical comparisons.

My inner child must have this

Actually, my outer geek really wants this toy too.

This has to be the most insanely awesome product Nerf has ever made:

For just $40 you can become a foam-shooting dorky version of Rambo, how sweet is that?

* NANNY EMMA SAVES US FROM EVIL:  I've been getting sucked into watching TLC's "Take Home Nanny" the past couple of weeks and as far as I can tell the only thing keeping America from being taken over by a swarm of hell-spawned children is a cute little British nanny who never changes her clothes.

Nanny Emma has a knack for helping clueless, gutless parents and taming kids who would be better off if they had been raised by wolves.

The woman is basically the Brat Whisperer and she works her magic over the course of about three days.

One of the oddest things about the show is that Nanny Emma stays with the family for a few days but never changes her clothes. 

Chasing Satan out of the souls of all those little devils must be hard work because Nanny Emma is apparently too busy to worry about fashion or body odor.